To quote…
Dappled Cities is one of my favourite bands. They have a blog, which I read occasionally. Alex, who plays bass and also does ‘bird screams’ (thanks Wikipedia) recently wrote an amusing piece on art galleries in London. I intend on quoting from it.
Before I go on, can I just point out how dreamy Dappled Dave is? He is there at the front on the left. Opposite him is Tim, who is also dreamy. Alex is the one with glasses. I don’t know if he is dreamy, but y’know, dreaminess isn’t everything. He is a skilled bass player, and he is amusing as you will now find out.
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Galleries by Alex from Dappled Cities.
London is a wonderful city. Full of fantastic museums, Italians, pubs, clubs, Spaniards, parks, old buildings, a palace, old women who hit your foot with a stick to make you get out of the way even though they have a 9 foot of space and you are standing next to a doorway (literally) and take up 1 foot of that 9 foot, French people, off licences, our street (the unofficial Islington police thoroughfare – 4am is always busy, and heaps fun) and art galleries.
And it is this last one (Art Galleries) that have been spending most of my time in recently. I arise around 9am, perform “the yoga” and run 22 to 23kms. Then, after my strict breakfast of raw egg white, sugar and boot polish, I travel to galleries to view their art. I like London gallery crowds because they are mostly screaming children. Many of them don’t speak English, so you just pretend that you are in an art studio from 16th century and there are a whole bunch of birds singing through an open window. By the way, that idea has a patent on it. You will be able to buy it soon. From a store. A funky store. Wagamama, maybe. But still, I’ll take screaming kids over the wankers that attend the MOMA free night any day. Here you go.
“Valerie. Valerie. VALERIE, COME OVER HERE. Yes dear, just step in front of everyone trying to see the art and listen to me ramble on about crap that is a) incorrect, b) useless and c) makes me look like the dickhead I am. VALERIE. VALERIE. Do you want me to break that 80 year old’s nose? Ok, you can do it. VALERIE. Call over our 15 annoying brat children so I can tell you all in a really loud voice about this Renoir even though I have never read anything about him and only regurgitate information from my crappy group of egotistical, family wealthy asshole friends”. I also like it when these people touch the artworks. Yep. Feels like 450 year old paint, doesn’t it?
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So true, Alex from Dappled Cities, so true.
